Rabu, 04 Januari 2017


I need special treatment here!

I lost my quota data 6 gb from 10 gb, like in 4 days!

I'm getting crazy. Is it the real addiction? I hope it's not.

I need something to stroke me hard and get me back to sane.

Somebody would spend his money for fashion shopping or books, or travelling around seeking the new restaurants to fulfill culinary starvation. And i am spending my money to buy quota data!

Why i feel like i'm the most shallow of all? I feel so shallow that the result i get from spending my  money is only apparent satisfaction. Not even a real stuff!

It is a quota data!

I feel like a juvenile just hit puberty and can't control her self.

I feel pathetic.

Kayanya aku harus pergi ke hutan dan hidup enuh penyesalan dan mawas diri.

Life in poverty is hard, life in prosperity is also hard. Because life is just hard.

إن الإنسان خلق هلوعا ...

Senin, 02 Januari 2017

A Habit

I have a habit to talk to my self either inside my mind or soundly, just like casual talk. The problem is, it is going out of control.

If i start to talk inside my mind continuously until my head is about to explode, i unconciously start to talk to my self soundly. At first i talk smooth and low sound, i look around if it's save to act like retarded creepy self talker. But lately i often talk spontaneously, without considering for safety and condition.

I start talking to my self soundly like i have actual convo with other people. In the middle of eating, or in the middle of reading, and even in the middle of real conversation with other people!

This is creeping me out!

Some other time, i caught my self mumbling in the middle of praying.

It is sooo embarrassing! No one caught me tho, but God did. I'm sooo embarrassed in front of Allah, that i dare to lose my sanity during praying and mumble to my self like some retarded creature.

Did i repeat my pray? Ofcourse i did.

Sooo ... In case i start to mumble to my self in the middle of praying subuh tomorrow, i decide to write it down and post it on my blog. (That is my blog is for, tho)

Because, right now my head is flooding with talks!

About what? Anything random.

And why am i writing in english? It is also because the sound in my head is also in english.
It is funny because it sounds in dialect. Depends on the last english convo i heard.

If i happen to be just watched Harry Potter movie, it will sound british. If i happen to be just watched Friends, it will sound American.

Last time i watched KUWTK clips for hours, and it sounds like one of them bwahahaha ....

Soo funny, but my english pronounciation improving smoothly thanks to the talk in my head.

Uum is there any other language?

Yep there is Arabic, and Indonesia and Jawa.

Indonesian language and Jawa language probably my original language of my mind talk. Soo i often hear my own sound, and dialect.

With Arabic language, it's pretty often, because i speak Arabic on a daily basis in school. And the sound that comes up in my head is ... My teacher sound, with their Arabic fusha dialect. Bwahahaha. If i start to talk soundly, i talk it out casually pretend to talk about the lesson we got in class. Soo not so weird.

It is actual weird, when i start to mumble in Korean or Japanese language. My friends will think i am crazy. But i can't stop ... Because my head is flooding with the word.

What i regret the most is ...
Why not Quran?

Why do not i flooded with Quran recitations in my head? Why don't i mumble unconciously, Quran words?

Why? Why? Why?

I guess because i don't hear it too much. I don't recite it too much.

Soo please, 2017 let me be insane with Quran mumbles this time. Let me hear Quran alot, read it alot and recite it alot.

Please ...

*Posting with blogger mobile app

Dear, January : Addicted

Dear January,
Please be nice to me, because last year is the worse year of my life. I got so much trouble, failing in exam and later i got to repeat my class. I hope this year is soo much better.

New year is only yesterday, when i have trouble sleeping, because the fireworks are jederr jedoorr exploded in the air. I am the a typical sleepyhead but the explosions sound on new year's eve is no joke.

I don't have resolutions lining up awaiting to come true, i'm just hoping that i will always in Allah's path everyday of my life. Because i believe that, to be in God's path will sum up everything good in my life.

I really wish i can pray 5 times a day on time! Right after adzan call. I wish i can read Qur'an one day one juz continuously. I too wish, i can focus on my study, seriously. Because i'm always lazy girl, i'm born this way. Never once in my life i get sooo excited studying.

But this time ... Please January, be the right atmosphere to me to study.

And the last, but not least, i've been into watching video online lately. And it is bad because it runs out my quota data. Because i'm addicted to it right now.

What do i watch btw?

Recently i've been into Day 6. They are so cool. They have good voice, talents and ofcourse looks. I like jae, specially. Because he kind of easy going and smart and talented. I love their song, and it is bad. Because i wan to stop. I'm now in the point of spend out my data around 2 GB a day.

Yes, 2 Gigabites a day!!!

Is that bad? It is badeest!!

It is wasting money, time, and i shouldn't spend my money and time that way. I know it, but ... It's hard to stay sane.

Time to read my tarikh. Bye, i hope January notice this and be kind.

* Posting with blogger mobile app